Purses, not Puppies

I have half a mind to start an organization to rescue dogs (and other pets) that celebrities buy as accessories only to toss them aside shortly thereafter when the concept of caring for something other than their selves begins to hurt their little heads.

Britney Spears was photographed toting her latest impulse buy, a very tiny Yorkie, who she carried around with about about the amount of care and affection usually reserved for shopping bags.

I can just imagine what that poor dog will go through: a few days of being tossed around to the sounds of "Oh my gawd, idn't he sooo cute y'awll?!!!" and sporting a dusting of Cheetos powder, followed by a period of being squashed in to a bag under a pile Kitson purchases, then being horribly maimed in an incident involving being confused for a crack pipe, and finally being neglected altogether, and hopefully passed on to a new home with owners who don't make train wrecks look orderly. (Just ask her poor kids!) Remember, it wasn't too long ago she was named Worst Celebrity Dog Owner in an online poll by Hollywood Dog and New York Dog after she ousted her trio of dogs because they didn't fit in to her lifestyle.

Another one on my hit list is Lindsay Lohan, a girl I find particularly annoying to begin with, who was quoted in a GQ "Blackberry Interview" saying (or rather, texting) "I bought two puppies today! Sober impulse buying of companions who will help me stay home etc. " and then in Allure saying "I bought them because I wanted something to take care of. I don’t like being alone at night."

That's actually pretty sad, and I almost feel bad for calling her a narcissistic cokewhore who uses helpless animals to test out her capacity for responsibility and selflessness. Except that this was in the beginning of the year--months before her constant partying and train wreck behavior led her to a month of rehab. So who the hell was taking care of her poor dogs while she galavanted around LA in a haze of intoxication and paparazzi flash bulbs? Also, what ever happened to Chloe, her much photographed Maltese puppy from just a couple of years earlier? Was he fired from her entourage for not doing a good job keeping her at home?

There are many more examples, but you get the idea. I'm thinking of naming my organization "Purses, not Puppies" where we set up SWAT teams to go in to these people's houses and rescue the dogs, leaving in their place a much more suitable accessory to fit their lifestyle.